A couple years ago (just before the season of Lent started) I sat in church listening to Kris McDaniel speak about the meaning and importance of Lent. I'd never really gotten the point of it all up until then, which instantly turned me from my original plan of a self-centered health-conscious diet fast...but to what? I just couldn't think of any good ideas for something that would put me in the proper position to pray for strength and look to God as my provider and caretaker. So during a time of prayer I asked God to reveal to me what he would like me to fast.
Just as my question was being formed, the idea shot down into my head in one of those divine moments of clarity, and I knew all too well that he had answered. Having felt the guiding hand of my Lord in heaven, my heart filled with that familiar overwhelming joy...and with the most tremendous sense of dread at the same time. "Make-up", he said.
Now I know most of you ladies can understand partly where I'm coming from here. Guys, just bear with me.
Allow me to be utterly vulnerable here. All my life I struggled with my self-image. In high school I began wearing make-up and found a new identity. I believed it to completely transform my face into something I could bear to show. And when I say "transform", I truly mean that I thought myself to look completely different with it on. I felt as though I was noticed for the first time. This mask I hid behind became my confidence. I would not set foot outside my home without donning the full works. I had it in my head that I wouldn't even be recognized bare-faced. And I tortured myself with the thought that my mask was a lie...that the attention I received was due to nothing but this fake exterior, and that if the world only knew what I was hiding underneath I would surely be despised and regarded as the nobody I believed myself to be.
I can only speak for myself, but I do wonder how many women out there have also suffered from this form of self-loathing. It's hard to admit such scary thoughts. But I owned up to it the moment I gave my life to Christ and allowed him to begin sorting out what was in my heart. This was one issue that the Lord still had me on the operating table for as I heard the call in church that day.
And now hopefully you better understand what held me in such a panic as God spoke that word to me. But he also reminded me that he would never allow me to suffer beyond what I can bear. I knew he was in control. He made sure of it that I was in a place of trusting his hand before handing me such a load. And so I went for it.
During this time, God continually placed people before me who knew nothing of my sacrifice but complimented me on my natural beauty. Not to say that the season wasn't hard. It was excruciating at times (particularly when I was surrounded by beautiful dolled-up ladies on nights out). But in my times of weakness I continually offered my temptations and my pain to the Lord and asked for his strength in return. Never was there a time when he did not freely give it. And all the while I heard his voice wooing me. Rejoicing over his own perfect creation with tender words of affection and affirmation.
This was most definitely a time of sacrifice...of dying to my flesh and in a part identifying with Jesus' sacrifice. But it was so much richer than that. He chose to also employ it as a time of revelation about my identity in Christ and his insatiable love for ME...his daughter...his bride...HIS creation. This particular Lent season not only marked a significant increase in my love for him. It marked a time of major redemption in my life.